MJ

My biggest struggle when sitting down to pen these posts is the beginning. It’s hard to hit the right tone while the tone is still being worked out. I don’t really plan any of this out aside from an overall idea I hope to get across. I hope I am moderately successful at that but I don’t know. The thing I want to make sure you to know today is that MJ was a good dog.

I was barely an adult it felt like when I first got MJ. Yeah, I was twenty-six, living in a house that I had recently purchased, planning a wedding, and working full-time. But I didn’t have any clue what I was doing. I was somehow more clueless than I am today. But a former partner wanted a dog inside the house and I did not. So we compromised and got an inside dog.

Mary Jane was MJ’s full name and she was a mix of Blue Heeler and Walker. A herding and a hound dog mixed. She had a lot of spunk. I remember reading only after I got her that Heelers were very smart, smart enough to be one of the only breeds to outwardly backtalk their owner. I found out that was definitely fact a few months later when I told her it was time for bed and she stared me dead in the eyes and peed on the couch. Power move.

I had many moments early on I wasn’t sure that I could handle her. She slept in a crate in her first year and would howl for hours non-stop. She took to shaking and throwing her body around so fiercely in her kennel while I was at work that she would literally undo the bolts holding it tight. She was animated and overly enthusiastic about greeting people when meeting them. She almost swiped a corn dog out of a guy’s hand the time I took her to a local festival. I couldn’t leave her mortal enemy, the dreaded paper product out anywhere near her or it would suffer the same fate as its fallen bretheren.

But man, she was something. She was great with kids, even though I don’t have any. She loved everyone she met, doling out high fives like they were going out of style. Even without a great teacher, she learned to “sing” along by growl howling along and even to dance, doing pirouettes when she’d stand on her back legs and I’d hold her paw or just sway back and forth when I’d ask her to dance. She was a great companion, literally lapping up tears as I recovered from my divorce, begging for walks I think sometimes just to keep me moving. She would bark at the door if someone came but never kept it up, just let us know someone was there. MJ would gives hugs on command and there were many days I needed them. She was very protective and full of love towards my wife, Aubreé.

I got her when she was only three weeks old. I was young and dumb and she was a fuzzy potato. I didn’t take her on enough walks. I didn’t use my best tone when she got in trouble for tearing up paper or nabbing a piece of food. I didn’t give her enough time with free space to run. I never gave her a kid to love on her own while she was here. I was with her for more than sixteen years. She was a good dog every single one of her days here.

She had a stroke in February this year and did not act or move the same for about a week. We had the appointment set up with the vet. But the day before the appointment, on my birthday, I came home to her happy and wagging and full of life. She pushed on to live mostly normally until the beginning of this month when she had another stroke. She basically couldn’t move. It was time. I didn’t think I’d get sixteen years with her. But I am thankful. Rest in peace, Emsy.

It’s Only Basketball

My first memory of playing sports is a third-grade basketball game where I blocked a classmate from behind. He was taking every shot. I didn’t know the rules—I just knew he was supposed to pass the ball to our team. And I was on that team. Later, my father talked about liking two college teams because of how their coaches coached the right way. I never got behind the more local IU but rooted for Duke because of that for a long time. It wasn’t long after that conversation that my father passed away. I found myself in a new city and new school with no idea of how to talk with guys my age.

Sports was the language that helped a young and hurting boy make connections. Exuberance, pain, unity, anger; I could express all of these things while competing in sports. I also could feel those things while watching along with professional athletes while living vicariously through their accomplishments. Seasons felt like stories, complete with heroes, heartbreak, and high stakes. It wasn’t therapy—but it was the closest thing I had.

My relationship with sports is different now. I don’t need them the same way. I basically only watch disc golf and basketball. I watched the Bucs win the Superbowl. I didn’t cheer because it felt like being a bandwagon fan for my own team. The Braves and Avalanche both won titles around the same time but I wasn’t invested anymore.

The Pacers still hold a special place in my heart. I am not as invested with the wins and loses as I used to be. But I think I’ve been through too many heartbreaks and near misses to ever let them go. The 2024-25 team carried a lot of promise after pushing the champion Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals. It took them a while to get going after lingering injuries slowed them but in January they hit their stride. The postseason felt like magic. Haliburton had the offense humming, the defense was physical, and the team was full of guys that never quit. They had improbable comebacks in every round of the playoffs while defeated teams they were considered underdogs against.

Even in the first game of the Finals, the magic continued, with Haliburton hitting yet another game winning shot. This Pacers team felt like they were destined to bring the trophy to Indiana. Fans reflected on past losses to the Bulls, Knicks, and Lakers . And injuries to star players to stop the team from reaching its potential. The awful malice in the palace in Detroit that depleted a team with the best record in the league.

It felt like it was our time. I heard the Morpheus line in my head from the Matrix, “He’s beginning to believe.” Narratives fall in line as teams fail or succeed spectacularly. It felt like this story was the one of the underdog losing for far too long before finally reaching the goal.

By the time Indy pushed the series to game 7, even with an injured star player, I was fully in. Indy looked good to start the game. It didn’t take long for that all to change. Hali’s injury in that first quarter shut down the chance of the storybook postseason having the storybook ending. I couldn’t and still can’t get over how unfair that felt. To try so hard and get so far and in the end?

This one hurt. It wasn’t just the loss of a title so close at hand. It was all the years of heartbreak, the missed opportunities, the bounces that went the other way. It was watching a young man who devoted his efforts into a game that he loves only to have his body let him down in front of millions. It was watching the game that I love, the one I lost due to my knee failing me years before. It was seeing a team that had multiple victories in this run that defied stats and probabilities.

Sometimes sports can be the Cinderella story that defies the odds or of a player finally reaching the mountaintop. But often the real story is messy and beautiful and painful just like real life. Not all losses are as devastating or all wins as euphoric so that they overshadow everything else. This Pacers team ha great accomplishments with memorable moments that will be forever true even if this still hurts. I don’t need sports to fit it and express things any longer. I can just say that this loss hurts. But I’ll be okay. It is only basketball.

Five Faves – Twist Reveals

I love a good twist ending. I am usually pretty good at seeing what’s coming before it hits. So when the writers pull off something unexpected, it’s a fun surprise.

Today I’m going to highlight five favorite movies with a twist reveal and I hope you let me know your list as well.

The Usual Suspects

Any list I make like this has to include this movie. It is a modern classic whose reveal shouldn’t pack quite the punch that it does except for how expertly it’s paced and acted. The movie has lost some shine after Kevin Spacey’s allegations so I don’t blame you for staying away if you can’t separate the art from the artist. I’m not sure I have even seen this since that news broke but I have multiple memories of showing this film to someone else for the first time and seeing their reaction once the twist hit.

Source Code

This one may not be on everyone’s top five but this one is one of the most rewatchable for me. Gyllenhaal gives a charming performance in what fits another type of movie list for me, Groundhog Day movies. This one is a lot of fun and should be watched if you get the chance.

Inception

Probably my favorite movie on the list even if it’s not my favorite twist. In fact, I’ve seen pretty convincing arguements in different directions on the validity of the twist in general. But sometimes the fun is in not knowing.

Lucky Number Slevin

The most unheralded movie in this batch but one that was a total surprise for me. And an awesome one. This was one of those throw away movies on a boring night that a friend and I watched and I’ve thought about it ever since. Seriously, go watch this one.

The Truman Show

I saw this movie in bits and pieces for the longest time, not being able to see it all at once. The central twist here is so integral to the plot and so laid bare early on but the concept here is one that has always stuck with me. Haven’t you ever had that moment where you’re sure that it must be televised somewhere? Like, this has to be a joke, right? Awesomely executed.

Never Too Late

My wife and I had the chance last month to visit Geekway to the West, a board game convention in St. Louis (and a lot of fun.) It was way more laid back than our time at Gen Con or Comic Con, and I enjoyed the smaller, more intimate vendor spaces and the focus on playing games. One of the vendors there, Dragon Phoenix Games, caught my eye for the unique art and mechanics, but also the heartfelt conversation with the couple running the company. Harvey and Carlie Cornell, a husband and wife team who make up the full staff of Dragon Phoenix Games. Carlie takes care of the art while Harvey heads up the design work.

Vesta by Dragon Phoenix Games

Board gamers are drawn like flies to the hot new thing. In board games there is the phrase Cult of the New to describe how many people are only about new releases. It’s also uncertain times when it comes to producing games, with a lot of the pieces manufacutured overseas and costs and tariffs making things difficult.

The couple faces some uphill battles in the later years of their lives. But I walked away impressed with their resolve to do something they loved and work towards a dream. Many of us are too lazy or too timid to do so even in the primes of our lives. Harvey and Carlie are putting in the effort in their later years, and it’s incredibly inspiring to see how, even in creative endeavors, it truly is never too late.

97,000

As I started my commute this morning, I noticed my odometer was only a few miles short of hitting 97,000. My mind flashed back to making my first car purchase. That 2002 Chevy Impala had just over 97,000 miles on it but all I could see was potential. That car was freedom. I held pride in the purchase I had made. I wasn’t focused on where the car had gone or what it had been through but instead on where it was going and where it could take me.

I’ve had my current car for several years now and its mileage doesn’t bother me because I got it with lower mileage and have kept up on its upkeep. Now in my forties, I have am continuing to pile the miles on. Not just the years but the stresses and events and memories. I hope that I find more chances to look more at where I’m going and even look at myself as someone with potential and not just focus on the years of wear and tear. I have an infatuation with being transfixed on the what-ifs and seductive alternate scenarios of the past. I look at the things missing from my life that will never be returned. Maybe I can take a look at see the freedom I have to take myself down roads I’ve never been and make the miles count.

Rust versus Rest

The NBA Finals are going on right now. One team, the Denver Nuggets got their berth into the championship series by beating the Lakers in a clean, four-game sweep. The Miami Heat on the other hand took a much more interesting path, winning their first three games against the Celtics, losing the next three, and finally closing out the series in the deciding seventh game. Basketball analysts like to compare teams about to square off using several factors and one of them is comparing whether the team who’s played competitive basketball more recently will benefit due to more rest time or suffer from the rust of not playing real basketball for a while.

I have been thinking about that phrasing a lot lately. I can’t shake the idea of that concept hovering over my days off. Which do I need more, relaxation or getting caught up on weekly chores and commitments? I end up not finding a good option either way. I feel guilty when I spend too much time relaxing. Like I’ve just wasted my most important resource. When I focus on getting things done, I can’t help but feel burnt out and emotionally out of breath. I think I need a way to recharge at the core of me. Shake some of the rust off and get a little rest.

Five Faves – Groundhog Day Movies

Welcome to the first edition of a post series where we’ll highlight a number of favorites, in no particular order, in a given category. Last time I talked about bringing forward a few favorites in the Groundhog Day genre. So let’s get into it.

Groundhog Day – I really gotta put respect on Groundhog Day itself with the first selection. It is not the first time loop story. I don’t even think it’s the best time loop story. But its success basically created the genre. I didn’t even call them time loop stories in the header of the post. Just think about when you’re describing a movie to someone else, “It’s like Groundhog Day meets..” There’s a reason, because the humor and charm of Bill Murray and the cast here had people looking at this plot device and becoming really introspective. It captured hearts and imaginations.

Edge of Tomorrow – This one is probably my personal favorite. Tom Cruise starts off the movie as the fully unlikable Major William Cage. I think that he plays against his natural charm initially draws viewers in and Emily Blunt’s hardened soldier persona mix well. The movie uses Cruise’s many failed attempts at first surviving and then later at being heroic both as humor and progression. We get a very visual view at his character’s progression. Plus, the action is super fun.

Palm Springs – Andy Samberg has me wishing for more movies with him in it in this comedy that may draw more from the spirit of Groundhog Day than any of the movies since. There is humor, heart, and a healthy dose of nihilism. Samberg’s character has resigned himself to a lifeless existence of always living. It’s only after someone else is caught in the loop with him that his outlook changes. More dramatic than you’d expect from a Samberg role while still funny.

Source Code – This one is a joy ride. On a train. Nearly the entire movie’s plot develops while Jake Gyllenhaal as Captain Colter Stevens lives the same short commute on a passenger train over and over until the train explodes. The story uses this short commute instead of a singular day while also throwing in another wrinkle in the genre that I thought hit pretty hard.

Naked – This was an unexpected hit for me. I caught this on one of those lazy Netflix nights and was really glad I did. The strength of Naked is its comedy with Marlon Wayans absolutely killing the lead role, living his wedding day over and over. These movies often focus on the personal growth of the main character and this one really gives believable and relatable chunks of growth behind all of the silly situations and laughter-inducing scenes. I think I need to watch this one again.

Okay, so that’s the first Five Faves for the site. Do you like that idea? If so, what others should we do? What are your five faves in the category? Thanks for reading.

Everyday Here All at Once

I absolutely loved Everything Everywhere All at Once. I can’t really speak to it winning Best Picture since I saw exactly zero of the other nominees. But it’s an excellent film. It’s creative, enthralling, and makes you feel something while watching it. Movies with multiverses in them are very popular right now. It seems like most of them use the concept to involve alternate versions of people or places for sake of the story and how it impacts it. Or maybe just adding a cool nostalgia factor. But Everything Everywhere All at Once stays introspective with its use of parallel worlds, instead giving our main character Evelyn the chance to glimpse herself with different choices made. She sees how her loved ones are impacted by small decisions. It really reminds me of one of my favorite movie tropes, when characters live the same day over and over. I think I’ll always see these as Groundhog Day movies.

I am really good at looking at my decisions, analysing them until I know how to properly beat myself up over them. In the last post, I talked about trying to keep the correct focus and not be too caught up in the past or too focused on the future. But because the what-ifs and possible outcomes of the past are so romantic, I still get caught up sometimes. Groundhog Day films give us the chance to imagine getting the chance to fail without permanent consequences. A practice makes perfect plan of attack but hyper focused on a singular day. Most of these flicks don’t see a full breakthrough until there is the payoff of character growth. That growth usually shows up as a perfect day from the main character’s point of view. One where they glide through the day’s challenges with beauty and grace that comes through the earned precognition from the first one or two acts. It’s hard not day dream about that scenario.

One of the upcoming posts I’m going to take a look at some of my favorite films in the genre. It’s a pretty specific plot device but there is a fair bit of variety and if the movie uses it, I’m definitely interested. Do you love Groundhog Day movies too? Which one is your favorite?

Future Memories

I’m quickly approaching one of those milestone birthdays. Normally, I keep the fact it’s coming up low key because it’s not something I want to make a big deal of. This year, I want to keep it unmentioned because I don’t want to look at the number. It has a silver lining though, as I’m pulling a few things into better perspective, turning over memories in my mind, and checking myself for misplaced priorities. It’s the kind of self reflection that brings things into sharper focus.

Although I’ve often found myself treading water in the present, spinning in circles trying to exist in both the past and the future. That’s a recipe for disappointment. A dish I serve myself all too often.

But a strong presence in the present does need a healthy view of the past and a good plan for the future. I want to exist fully in the present, fully comfortable in my own skin. I approached that this year with a few points in a plan. I committed to being more forgiving of those who have hurt me in my past. I am making steps to be more realistic about my life goals, letting myself be honest about what I want and giving myself permission to go for it. I’m honestly still struggling with that one.

I am always looking for more ways to solidify my present presence. A few weeks back I bought a cassette player from Amazon. I had recently come across an old tape that I had recorded a message to a family member with my grandmother. She’s been gone a few years now and I was really looking forward to hearing her voice. When it came in the mail, I popped in a set of charged batteries and rewound the tape to the beginning. Man, remembering when that was cutting edge tech just added to the birthday anxiety. I was pretty quickly disappointed when the crackly audio coming from the tape player wasn’t my childhood voice and my grandma’s. It was a Pacers radio broadcast as they took on the Allen Iverson 76ers. I was pretty obsessed with radio back then. Podcasting was a logical step for me. It was fun to hear that old broadcast but man, I was bummed to not hear the voice I hadn’t heard in over a decade.

I forgive young me for writing over the memory in an attempt to preserve and enjoy something he cared about, not thinking about a trivial birthday message to a family member could one day have been the last way to hear the voice of someone I loved dearly. But I also look to find more ways to preserve memories I have in the moment so myself and others can look to reconnect with moments in the future, whenever the moment is no longer close. Although I’ll look to preserve them on a medium where the rewind button is no longer a thing.

Basketball In Heaven

I sure hope there’s basketball in heaven. I hope I’m running fives with all the savvy of an old man and the youthful athleticism of a young buck. Honestly, I hope I have more hops in the afterlife than I ever did hooping it up here on Earth. I really hope I get the chance to express my joy on the court if I am lucky enough to find myself in life after death.

Have you ever, as a full-grown bill-paying adult, thought about what you’d hope to find? Not that regular business about how well the streets are taken care of and which dead loved ones you’d hope to find. Important details but not the point of the exercise. How would you want to be able to spend your time if you had more than all the time in the world?

Man, I’d like to be running the break, pushing the ball up and surveying the defense. I’d love to be making cuts, reversing the ball, making smart passes. Some of those passes would be throwing lobs to Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain. Some of them would be a little more special, finding my buddy Dave on the move with a pocket pass, letting out a yell as he finishes through contact. I’d also be making chest passes to my dad, who would be firing off jumpers from the elbow. Go ahead and try to wipe the smile off of my face after that kind of assist. Man, I’d be making spin moves on every play. I wouldn’t be spending every day thinking that my joints stop me from not only being physically but emotionally the same person. I wouldn’t be held back by thinking about whether or not I had the juice to move in the way I want to move. I would melt into the joy and poetry found in the beautiful freedom of movement that mesmerized me about the game in the first place. I would find joy in the expression of joy itself. Man, I sure hope there’s basketball in heaven.